here is an article about the west coast festival culture. I feel I've shared many of these same thoughts....I also recommend checking out the link to the book he's talking about, there are some AMAZING photos.

the eternal question creeps occasionally into my mind, interrupting my contentment in the moment. this question being, "where am i doing with my life??" there is always this need, this hunger, to be doing something 'more'. what is 'more'? what else could i possibly be doing? sometimes i feel fulfilled, sometimes i feel the need to shake my life up in some way. there is work and sleep and eat food and tend to the many chores of life, and squeeze fun and relaxation in there somewhere. don't get my wrong, my job is great, i love my life, and i am by no means stressing out about anything. but sometimes this daily grind schedule just gets to me, and i get this overwhelming urge to break out of it. i'm not sure to do what. and i know that i begin to feel useless after not working for long enough.....but, again, this question pops into my thoughts and disrupts the groove i'm groovin'. where am i going with this?? i'm not going anywhere, i'm following my path, and taking clues from the various winks and nudges i receive from the universe in hopes that it will lead me somewhere favorable...and so far, so good. but, my question is, WILL MY PATH BECOME MORE CLEARLY DEFINED? at some point? or will i always be blindly feeling my way around this uncertain and unfamilliar ground? sometimes it feels like time is standing still, but then i remember that every second of every day i'm growing and changing. one day i'll wake up and it'll be next week, next month, next year, five or ten years i'll wake up and all this fucking time has passed and i'm still asking myself the same question. what am i doing here??? why have i been given the life i have? i appreciate this gift every single day. but i don't know what to make of it.

oh man, had an amazing random encounter at Zodiac this afternoon. I went to see Jenny to order my coat, and I met this fella who was just on the road seeing WEEN on tour in several US cities!!! So I chatted with this dude for quite some time about the awesomeness of that band and how mind-blowing it is to see them live. It's been like 2 years since I saw them. This must happen sooner rather than later. Ryan and I were fantasizing about planning a field trip to see Ween.....I think this needs to happen.

anyway....that's all for now.



....Hail Boognish.

i have a question for y'all. so. i'm looking to try going on birth control for the first time since i was 17. in those days, it threw me for a loop and made me feel totally insane. i'm hoping things will be different now that i'm older and better balanced. i hate the idea of taking hormone drugs daily, but i'm allergic to condoms and abstinence isn't an option, so i'm gonna go this route. i'm sure there are some of you who have played around with different kinds and have figured out what works for you......so, my question is: what are you using now? what have you tried and hated? any advice is appreciated. thanks!

i've attempted to write something a few times this week, to no avail, because my brain doesn't work or something. hah. yeah. umm....i've been pretty busy as usual, but i have most of today and all of tomorrow off of work. so, yay!

we've been talking lots about moving further west, probably to Vancouver. Golden is awesome and will have a place in my heart forever, but we're young and we mostly just want to have different experiences right now. we've both never lived in a city, and from what we here from everybody we know is that it's awesome, it seems right up our alley. of course we want to go there and scope it out before making any solid plans....but for now, that's what we're aiming at. there are pros and cons to this plan, but it all balances out in the end. and we're certainly not ready to settle down or anything of that sort. and it would be great to have the resources available to pursue interests and hobbies i want to take up! and go to a *fabric store*, and buy a drum! we don't even snowboard or ski, so there is NOTHING to do here in the winter. i'd love to try it, but i don't really feel like devoting all my resources towards it, which is what would have to happen if i wanted to take up this sport. there are too many other things i want to do right now that are more important.

so..yeah, while i'm attatched to Golden and what we have here, i know there will be amazing people and things going on when we move. and we'll make a home wherever we go, as long as we have each other.

on another note, the kitties are getting so big! and are getting into more and more trouble every day. we have a spray bottle that works pretty good to deter them from being naughty. but what do they get in to when we're not around? Gonzo discovered the fish bowl today, which is bad news, maybe i should put some mesh on top so he doesn't eat Spock.

anyhoo, keep on truckin' !

shambley times are manifesting, slowly and steadily. the frequency of our house guests is increasing also......not sure where we're gonna stick all of these people, but we'll figure something out. Joe is in Cape Scott now, and we sure do miss that guy...ya don't meet friends like that too often in life. we're taking care of his magikal cactii for the next month until he comes to get his belongings. I hope I'll get to meet his lady love.There's a new doood moved into his room. seems like a nice enough fellah. his name is Matt. Shannon is wanting to move to Golden with us for the winter, ....we'll be gettin a 3 bedroom haus, i reckon. there is one that seems promising, chill landlord and possibility of KITTIES. plus a yard and fireplace? yes. the only thing would be keeping it occupied after planters leave for planting times. we'll see how long we can keep it up for. hah.

I just spent the last for or 4 days working INTENSELY on this velvet hoodie/vest thing and it's DONE finally! except for a few minor details. but holy moly that shit takes a long time sewing by hand. it'll be amazing when i'm able to get a sewing machine. revolutionary, even. it turned out well, things never turn out perfect, but you have to expect that when making things yourself.

anyhoooo, i'mma gonna roll. i'm STOKED for the next week or so. it'll go by so fast.

change is a-brewin....Joe will soon be gone, and not long after that we'll be moving into a new place, which is necessary. living here is great and everything, but there is just no SPACE to do things. Geoff and I are crammed into this tiny room and everything is constantly exploding out of corners. I fantasize about having my very own little trolling corner to do art in, leaving art supplies out and about! we might be living with our friend Ryan from our krew, or we'll just get a one bedroom apt. either option is just dandy. (getting kitties must somehow fit into this equation as well)

the first few days we were here we were all so exhausted....sleeping like 12 hours every night. energy levels are up now, which is nice. Bessi is up and running again =), and the weather has been nice. we're going on a hike with Joe on monday or tuesday, hopefully doing a summit....I've never hiked a summit before. Kaleigh (who came back to golden with us) and i have been working on shambles costumes, and i've been tying purple yarn into my hair...it's turning out well so far, i'm about half-way done. hopefully it stays in alright...it's just like braided into my dreads, but it seems pretty solid. i just won't be able to wash my hair for a while, which i never do anyway so whatever!

jodi is supposed to come visit, but i don't know when this is happening at all.....maybe fall would be better for this? july is so hectic for me, there are going to be a million planters and mangz around here very shortly.....i will have to speak to this girl at some point in the near fucha.

anyway....back to crafty fun times in the hot summer heat....and popsicles....delicious popsicles.

just a quick note to say that Geoff and I are in Golden again, and VERY stoked to be here! we've brought a mang along with us from the bush, and very soon this town will be overrun with people from our crew (as well as otha mangz) until shambles! it will be amazing and fun! Kaleigh (planter mang) and i will be hitting the thrift stores tomorrow and will start working on costumage! yeah, i'm pretty happy with the way things have worked out. planting was inexplicably crazy. only pictures could even begin to describe what went on....

love to y'all

we are back in Golden. Stella has failed us, we broke down about 35km east of Revelstoke. Seems transmissiony, maybe? this was almost anticipated, having an old vehicle n all. John is driving us to Revelstoke tomorrow (Stella was towed there) to see what the dealio is, chill there for the day and then greyhound it to Burns Lake from 7pm to 12:45pm the next day. goin minimalist tentin styles in the bush, which is just fine with us. If Stella's worth fixin' up, we'll do it, and John will use it while we're planting and we'll do some trekkin' around later on in the summer.

Life sure throws some curve balls sometimes. You can try to be prepared and make plans, but you can never anticipate when something will fuck up..... So it's always good to have a Plan B. Today, our Plan B was bust into the smokey scotch that has been around since before Joe's roadtrip. hahaha....anyway, that's how things have worked out. Time to head to bed and try this again tomorrow....

let's see...what do i have yet to do.....sew my army pants, fix legwarmers so they don't fall down....finish packing, go to the doktor, hah, uhhh my TAXES. yep, sure did procrastinate that one til the last possible day. good thing i don't have much to do today! i'm having quite the time deciding what clothing to bring, or rather, what to leave behind. having this van is making it too easy to bring lots of clothes. but is that a bad thing? also, should i bring my beloved pixie hoodie? i am thinking that i'll regret not bringing it, so i should just bring it, even though i won't wear it all de thyme. but at the same time, maybe it should just stay here safe and dry and clean. DECISIONS!

well, anyway, not sure what else to say in here. we're pretty stoked to hit the road. gonna make it to quesnel tomorrow, then to burns lake the next day, i reckon. since our starting place has changed due to cold weather in quesnel. have a grand summer, folks! i'm sure i'll update periodically, but not be able to keep up with your lives!

see ya @ shambhala! if you're there!

I just finished work....there are feelings of strangeness. i guess all i can say is.....it's funny how things turn out. it's never how you expect it, nor does it matter if you approve or not. things just work themselves out whichever way, and a lot of life is learning to cope with various challenges. another thing is, i am terrible at keeping track of time. it always seems to fly by when i'm looking the other way.

anyway, another chapter of my life is drawing to an end, it's on to new adventures....new and different challenges.

haven't been writing in here too much at all.....been keepin' relatively busy, mostly just spending time with these Golden folks before takin' off. it's been really awesome weather, we've barely gotten any rain (although we could use some), but I've been taking advantage of the sun / bicycle sitcho, as i'll be without my bike for 3 months! Our crew boss, Kevin, stayed here for 2 nights with his friend Jon, and that was a good time. It was great to meet him before headin out to work for him, he seems like a solid dude. Geoff and I just finished up taking a first aid course on saturday, and the transportation endorsement on sunday....learned how to deal with emergency situations, which is a good call. It was actually pretty fun, more fun than we had anticipated. It felt good to be in a learning envoronment again. I could see myself taking more courses in the fucha. Like a pottery course or something would be chill. or a class on how to make clothing better, since i don't know how to do anything properly it could be cool to learn, then maybe everything i make would turn out not fucked up more often!

Geoff is all finished werki now, and I have another week left. So sooooon ! Then camping and fishing for a few days before working intensely. planting will be insane. must get used to being uncomfortable all the time. as luxurious as living in the van will be, i will still be hurtin' in some way all the time. it's just a given.

GEOFF IS PLAYING OUT OF TUNE GUITAR AND ITS DRIVING ME INSANE. he is doing it on purpose because he knows it sounds terrible. isn't that hilarious? what a hilarious sense of humor! oh my god that's so funny playing out of tune! how about i just stab my ears?

ok.....i think he's done with that. although he's still being ridiculous. i couldn't even concentrate on what i was writing it was so awful sounding on my ears.

uhhh, anyway! it's been good times around here, until my bike tire exploded the other day. it was so loud! sounded like a gun shot or a firecracker. Joe has a tire repair kit so that's sweet.

I must phone Jodi and tell her to get a Shambhala ticket as they are 210 now, and that's enough already! holy moly! she should really get one before they get even higher.

anyhooooo i'm done writing for now. woop.

WHOA so life is slowly evolving shifting changing into a different phase. nostalgia of this most recent stretch of being is strong. there have been challenges and joys like every other point in existence....I look forward to when I look forward to coming back to Golden. a few more weeks to enjoy this mellow familiarity before being catapulted into the scary unknown...am I ready? as ready as I can be, I suppose.

cabin fever, anyone?

winter seems to drag on until that point where you can take no more (but i think it makes us REALLY appreciate spring!). i went for a good walk yesterday, and it smells like damp earth and wood and rain out there. there is some major thawing happenin'. i love the smells around Golden. lots of wood smoke and naturey smells. then i went to the Dysfunctional Cafe Theatre with John and had a fabulous time! the play was amazing! i love amature theatre, and the gypsy folk that put it on. it was also for cherity, which is grand. and they were bootlegging alcohol. i love under-the-table kind of stuff. it was a benefit for this dude named Mike, who suffered a spinal cord injury and lost the movement of his legs and partial movement of his arms 2 years ago while testing his invention for a 4-wheeled mountain bike for parapilegics, isn't that crazy and ironic?? anyway, he's a good and determined soul, and he and his trainer have been going to California to this walking clinic for folks in his sitch, and they want to be able to bring that knowledge back to Golden to help others in this area that are in the same boat. pretty awesome!

it is incredibly melty and wet today, and i'm enjoying it despite the wet pant cuffs. i guess that's what swear shoes are for....

watched this movie called 1408 last night, which is based on a Stephen King book (been on a King movie kick lately...), and i don't remember the last time i was actually scared from a movie, but that one was FREAKY. if u like scary movies, i recommend it!

it ain't spring quite yet, that's fo sho. we got another good sized dump of powder, which is awesome for those looking to go and ride the mountain! i am stoked for them, but i WAS looking to bust out Bessi (my bike). i love bike riding !

ummm....discovered a new fire toy....FIRE ORB. i want one. they are rad! i would also like to convert my hula hoop into a fire hoop. mmmm and fire fans for that matter. must get better at poi, and then i can graduate on to fire poi. poi is the most difficult. i saw an umbrella frame converted into a fire umbrella, and i thought that was sweet as well. in closing....must become more fire savvy.

got my new planting shovel in, and i have to pick up my caulk boots from the golden shoe store....stupid shellin' out multiple hundred dollars  on new equipment. oh well! it is key. i will make it all back, anyhow.

this is seriously the last time i will be a housekeeper. that job is shitty and i feel gross and grumpy by the end of the day. i don't mind hard work, but that kind of had work isn't for me. barf.

yoga date with kate tomorrow! woo!

been watching stephen king movies lately. storm of the century and the stand (which is 8 hours long so we watched over 3 or 4 days), and that is some awesome horror, let me tell ya. my fave is still pet cemetary though, i think. that movie scared me a lot when i first watched it when i was 11. anyone know any others that are a good time??

anyway, i'mma go do somethings elses.

I love this time of year...the smell of spring is in the air, things are beginning to shift and change in anticipation for the re-birth of life on the horizon. I can't wait until I see GREEN.

We have obtained another planting contract, which brings a great sigh of relief! the uncertainty was brutal! not sure where we'll be planting yet, i reckon it's around the same area. i've talked to our crew boss a couple times and he seems rad. it'll be good =). the forestry industry isn't doing too good, and it looks like planting will take a nose dive in a few years....so i will plant as much as possible until it does. it will be interesting to see how things develop.

yeah....went to Cranhole. it was a learning experience, to say the least.

i might be helping out with this play...not acting in it, just helpin out in one way or another. it's called Dysfunctional Cafe Theatre. it's a puppet show. there is a dinner thing happening afterwards and i may be serving/making drinks so i can see the play for free. i get to wear a costume.

anyway, time to troll along....i may go visit Jenny @ the head shop.

next time you think about going to visit Cranbrook, just DON'T. there is a reason people call it "Cranhole"........Geoff and I decided to cut right to the chase and just call it "Shithole".

HAH!

planting contract fell through....oh, life's curve balls. THAT is why my email to amber screwed up. it was not time, because things aren't settled yet. we have some potential hook ups, and we're looking into other contracts already. i'm not worried, there is planting to be done and it'll all work out.

so i ended up just giving christy all of my psy, which is like....a shit load of muzak. she'll love it though! yay i love infekting people with mang.

my plans are always so all over the place. one minute i want to do one thing and then i find something else i'd like to do and change my mind. WILL i go to burning mang this year? is that feasible? is it in the cards this time around? should i just wait until next year and take an eastern trip in the fall as originally planned? should i just get new glasses? (BORING). stupid....not being able to do what i want immediately. oh well, whatever happens will be a good time i reckon. maybe we'll get a puppy in the fall. i know i say i want a kittie like every day, but i don't think a kitty would be good with our current lifestyle of treeplanting and trekkin around and whatnot. and dogs are a really good time to take treeplanting and trekkin around...they live for that stuff. cats are good with places, dogs are good with places. it's not good to uproot a cat too much. but who knows what'll happen. I sure don't!

I guess I'll be workin at the hotel a bunch more now because the only other housekeeper isn't around anymore, which is lucky for me despite the unfortunate conditions under which she had to leave...i have been working a lot this week, which is necessary.

anyway.....